May 05, 2005 - 3:43 a.m.

a tree walks into a bar.

it orders pint after pint of cheap beer. before anyone knows it, the tree is completely drunk.

it is hard to determine when a tree is drunk, because trees drink differently. we like to pour the entire drink into our soil at once and then take time to soak it up through our roots.

anyhow, the tree is so drunk that upon exiting the bar, it decides to plant itself in the ground right outside the entrance to the bar. it digs a little hole and hops right in.

the next morning, the tree wakes up with a trunk-ache. it has no idea why it is now planted in front of a bar, but it doesn't mind too much.